With infertility comes such great depths of emotion, it is hard to capture exactly how it feels in words.
Father's Day is this weekend. It can be a great struggle for us women to go through holidays, childless and sad. What many people may forget is that our husbands, boyfriends, and fiances suffer too. Though they may not express it in the same way we do, they hurt too.
I have asked my husband to sit down and write his thoughts and feelings about Father's Day, PCOS, and infertility. Below is a look into a man's perspective and feelings.
"Hello readers! My name is Robert and my wife has PCOS. Well, you all knew that already-huh?!
So, what is it like being a "PCOS husband?" It isn't easy, nor is it easy talking about it. Sometimes I get lost in all of the information I have to learn. Sometimes I get frustrated because it is all so much to handle. Sometimes I feel helpless and that I want to "fix it." I love to fix things, its what a husband does, right? I am also a protector and how do I protect my wife from emotions and health problems that come from PCOS? How can I make it go away? I can't. I remember the day she was diagnosed. She had already done so much research that she had figured it out herself, but hearing it from the doctor was relief but also brought on sadness. I was happy we had answers but fearful of the future. I didn't want her to start blaming herself for why we didn't have a child yet. I didn't want her to take on that enormous burden. I don't "blame" her, I don't want her to feel that way. I know the struggles she faces every day with health issues and infertility issues and how can you blame someone for that? She didn't ask to have this. I'm not angry with her. I love her for who she is, even through the struggles. I hurt when she hurts. I hurt on my own. We hurt together.
Don't get me wrong, yes it is an emotional and very hard journey, but don't ever let it hurt your relationship. Don't lose sight of your marriage/partnership. My wife and I try to make things exciting and fun and new, even through the tough days, the negative pregnancy tests, the new medications, the disappointments.
With Father's Day coming up, my emotions become raw. It is another reminder that we have not had a child together yet. Another Father's Day in our relationship has passed without having children in our home. What I do usually is do things to stay busy. My wife has always treated me special on "THAT" day. Don't think oh, this day doesn't even apply to me, so I can't think about it, or allow myself to feel anything...this day is a reminder, a bitter one. Never think you or your wife have "failed." I guess my advice to you guys out there is to never give up and to just stick by your wives/girlfriends, find something amazing to do on such a hard day and NEVER be afraid to tell her how you really feel. Be sad. Cry. Be upset. Just talk to her, in fact, I'm sure she wants you to. I couldn't imagine going through this without talking about it. Going through these emotions in silence would just kill me inside.
I support my wife in all she does with 1in10, I am so happy she is taking a stand and trying to raise awareness. It becomes exciting to hear all of their accomplishments and look forward to the future. I know through her helping to start this non-profit and through researching she has come across so many other women who suffer just as she does. She has made so many new friends and we have gained a lot of support in our marriage and through our PCOS/infertility journey.
I don't go through this PCOS journey alone, and neither does my wife. Just like our wives are that statistic of 1in10, we are involved in that as well. Don't be forgotten, stand up--and like my wife loves to say now, "Raise your voice!""
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